my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
