I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
