I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
