Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
