some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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