is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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