No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
