Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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