i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
