It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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