No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
