Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think my vagina is haunted
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i love accidental penises.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
