you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want nice things and good sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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