the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Fuck appropriateness.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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