Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
