You work out of a Hotel?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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