I didn't shave. On purpose
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My Sexting was not on an AP level
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
