break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
