Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
