Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
