Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
