I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
