i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
