Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize