She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
