What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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