I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
