I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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