so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
