it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
