I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
