DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
