Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
