i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize