just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
