Midget sex pt 2 tonight
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
