i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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