forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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