so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
