saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drake has all the answers
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
