Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
