so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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