i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
