have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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