I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
