how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize