They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
