wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
