just come out here and I will go home with you...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
