i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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