I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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