If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
