Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize