Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
