I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
