Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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