She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
