New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
