This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
