32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
