i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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