so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
