Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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